Matt talked on Sunday about being limited through limiting God... in a sense. I believe the main point was how often we don't expect God to work or how often we don't experience God working because we don't have faith. As I read in my quiet time today I was reminded of his sermon. I read John 11 where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. It was pretty awesome. Martha, Mary, and the disciples didn't expect God to work as He did, but at least Martha and Mary had faith that He could do something wonderful. As I prayed this morning, I realized I needed to start expecting God to do those wonderful things where I'm at. 
   I can't say that I did it perfectly today. (I also learned that I can get frustrated way too easily, but that's another blog entry all to itself!) However, I will say this-- I think that's how God wants us to live. What if we expected every day that someone would be saved and that God might use us to work through? What if we expected someone to be healed or a God-moment to happen today, not sometime, but today? Don't we realize, as I often fail to, that God is always at work in the lives of people around us?
    At least for this morning, I had that faith. Within 30 minutes of walking on campus, I met a girl named Stephanie and tomorrow we're going to grab lunch. We didn't get to talk long, but there's no telling what God is up to in her life! It's crazy-exciting! I didn't do this faith thing perfectly today, but I rejoice that His mercies are new every morning. Tomorrow is another day to expect God to be miraculous... and I'm freakin' excited about it! I just ask that as I pray for Journey and for Portico, that we would grow in our faith to expect God to be God, that you would also pray for me. Jesus always expected God to work through Him and He stayed in tune with God through His relationship with Him. He saw God do great and mighty things that resulted in Him being glorified... and we are to be like Jesus. That's good stuff. Thanks for praying. Feel free to post any God stories or even anything that He is teaching you. It's so encouraging to hear.

I sat under the pavilion, so excited and just happy to be at church camp. I got to be with friends and it was so much fun. As I sat there, waiting for my friends after service that night, suddenly a thought entered my mind, “Do you really know Me?”

For some reason, that thought shook me to the core, and so began a battle that lasted about six months.

During that time, it was hell to me. I had never doubted before. I remember constantly being scared, lonely, and frightened. But, now I consider it a blessing, a huge blessing.

I can look back now and see that God was pursuing me, but first He had to wake me up to the fact that I didn’t know Him before, I just was just going through the motions. I can see how through that most frightening time, He held on to me and guided me into truth. I look back now and wonder why God Almighty would have even shown me in the first place that I didn’t know Him. The thought of me not knowing Jesus never should have occurred in the first place—I was a good kid, went to church regularly, and knew more than the basics of Christianity… but, I didn’t have a relationship with Him.

God showed me so much mercy, grace, and love. What started with a question hasn’t ended yet. I no longer fear, for I know perfect Love, but He continues to pursue me in a relationship with Him, calling me to go deeper, to love Him more, and to know His love more and more and more. I’m excited! This was not what I was looking for at church camp and I am so thankful God didn’t meet my expectations that summer, but instead that He wildly surpassed them and continues to do so even to this day.

    Yeah, that's right. It's true. Some Baptists dance. And we're not talking those Free Will or General Assembly Baptists either. I'm talking about those Southern, get-to-the-restaurant -before-you-do, Baptists. They dance... and some of them dance well.

     But, I'm not one of them. Oh, I dance, but after I've been in a dance class at Southern, I learned something: I don't know how to follow. Let me explain. In dancing, guys lead. The girls (for that's all that's left) follow. They are supposed to do whatever the guy lead them to do. He doesn't command it out loud. No, the female must be responsive to the lead. If the guy moves his hand in a certain way, it means something, like a spin is about to take place or "This is where we turn." If the woman isn't paying attention or isn't sensitive, then her toes get stepped on. (This is most definitely true.) But that's not my biggest problem. My biggest problem is that I try to anticipate where the leader is leading me. So I'm spinning while he wants to promenade. You don't achieve that whole "graceful" effect when you have to be stopped in the middle of a dance to keep from falling.

    As I learn to dance, I also see more of my relationship with God. My biggest problem isn't not being sensitive to Him enough, but it's often that I try to anticipate where He's taking me or what move He wants to make next. He's good at keeping me from falling, but neither of us get the effect we desire to have. I think it would be a great thing to go save the world, but I haven't talked it over with Him first. I know, after all, that it's what He wants... right? But, then, when I let Him lead I get to experience one of those amazing God moments... the "right effect" happens naturally. I don't have to force it. I don't have to lead. I just have to be led and know (and trust) my Leader well. And then we (and at least one of us is Baptist) get to dance!

   I wonder what people would look like if you could literally see the burdens they carried. Some people, probably the few, would carry very light sacks, almost empty. But I think many would be shouldering a heavy load, about to drop whatever they carried. I think we would see some of those people be totally oblivious to what exactly they were carrying. They would just know that it's heavy and they don't want to face whatever it is.

If I'm honest, I would have to admit that I was that third person. As I prayed or read the Bible or tried to praise God, I started to find myself not really wanting to be there, but just to get it over with. And I didn't know why. I didn't like the attitude I had, but didn't really know the cause of it.

This morning I picked up a book on the woman's table at church. Man, I was so tired. I didn't even know what to read in the Bible, but I felt that I needed to. I just wanted God to appear and speak to me. As I picked up the book, I opened it to where someone had left a postcard.

"About halfway through the back-and-forth struggle between Job and his friends, Job cried out, 'Oh, that I knew where to find God- that I would tell Him all abount my side of this argument, and listen to His reply, and understand what He wants. Would He merely overpower me with His greatness? No, He would listen with sympathy (Job 23:3-6).'
   Even in the middle of his anguish, Job knew that God is faithful and would listen to him. Still Job was wanting a direct confirmation from God. A special sign."

   That described me! I kept on reading in this book and realized that I had held on to a burden and to unspoken worries and that it was wearing me down. I realized I had let Portico, the collegiate-focused church-plant, become a thing that I didn't want to face... yet the burden was straining on me. It started recently when I was told that we had not yet been admitted as a Registered Student Organization (RSO) on Southern's campus. I let the worries spring up and almost became bitter about Portico as I saw the many obstacles in our way.

But, as I read the book that morning the author brought out this verse, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God (Phil. 4:6)."

After I read that verse and what more the author had to say, I saw the problem for what it was. I was never meant to bear the burden of Portico. Sure, problems would come, but they aren't mine to hold on to. I discovered that there were more than 3 types of people in this world and the best option isn't the person who has a smaller burden. There is also the fourth who has no worldly burden because they trust Christ to carry their burden for them. They trust Christ with the outcome.